I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
