Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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