My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
