At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
