Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
