I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
