I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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