Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
