Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize