guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
