there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
