I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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