And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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