Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
