I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
