I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize