Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize