I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize