Betty ford says i'm here all night
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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