Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
