party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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