Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
