its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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