Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
