The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
