The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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