i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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