Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
