We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
