So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
