You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
