I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
