i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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