did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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