I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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