i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You smell like stripper and shame
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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