So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
