I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
