Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
