I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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