you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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