i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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