new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
