He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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