just come out here and I will go home with you...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So many bounce houses so little time
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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