if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
