honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
