Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
