How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize