Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
