How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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