I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
