call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize