How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
