I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
