I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
