remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize