A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
