i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
