11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
