i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
