Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
