You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
