he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
