I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
