i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
