I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The air taste purple.
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