What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Do vagina's smell?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
