I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
