Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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