Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
