if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
