the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
