I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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