You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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