You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
