i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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