my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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