I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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