I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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