i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Randomize
