it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
