I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
