You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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