I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
