Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
