im drinking this country out of the recession.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
