I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
