I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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