tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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