I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
