just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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