I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
it's like heaven, but drunker
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
