She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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