Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
