In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
