FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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