I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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