A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
