I think scott just propositioned me for sex
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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