I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize