Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize