some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
50% drunk capacity currently
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize