Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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