he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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